~ Day 20 ~ IT'S HARD... ~ Chapter 18 ~
AND GETTING HARDER
In yesterday's post we talked about that dreaded old writer's block and how best to deal with it. Today we have another dilemma to wrestle with. It's called doubt. Have you ever been a "doubting Thomas"? I think if we are honest with ourselves we have all experienced that more than once.
"For a long time I thought it was an individual issue," Cecil says,
" later I decided it was something only writers endured. From there I discovered that artists, singers, and other professionals also suffer. Maybe it's something common to people in most areas of work."
Cecil goes to write, "Here's my dilemma. The more I write and the more honest I become, the worse my writing feels. This is an emotional issue, not a logical problem."
But Cecil discovered that the "doubting Thomas" has another name. Its called "palace guard". In fact there's two palace guards.
Cecil says, "That's my word for the protective side of my personality--the part that doesn't want me to be hurt. Three experiences have helped me in my struggles to accept my palace guards."
Cecil goes on to share, "Three times outsiders encouraged me; they didn't seem bothered about my struggle. Two of them considered it a positive experience."
What did those voices mean? Cecil discovered that they meant the others spoke objectively while he fought subjectively with his inner demons.
He writes, "Or maybe they're not demons."
"What if those tormenting words are for your good?"
"What if the voices are there to help you?"
"What if they want to protect you?"
He goes on to say, "That final question opened a wide door of understanding. What if the words came from a wiser, deeper, inner part of myself? What if those are protective devices--ways to stop me from doing something foolish or awkward?"
Cecil labeled it "the cry of the palace guards." He goes on to explain how they are like soldiers standing their ground . Their single duty is to protect him from embarrassment or humiliation.
Cecil says, "They didn't want me to get hurt or wouldn't stand for the possibility that others might take advantage of my transparency."
I'm truly amazed at how Cecil is able to take something as self destructive as doubt and once again turn it into something positive. Like turning gremlins into teddy bears! Once again showing how changing one's perspective can bring about a huge change in attitude and outcome!
Although this is not a cure for doubt, having a better understanding and better coping skills will help all of us experience self-
acceptance, wholeness and transparency.
Cecil says that sometimes he will pause and reflect on struggles of the past. He is thankful that those guarding friends have saved him from many bad writing projects by correcting his mistakes or showing him better ways to slant an article.
Perhaps those palace guards or guarding friends are really guardian angles! Sounds encouraging to me!
The Aphorism for this chapter is: "I am committed to move deeper into myself, no matter how painful."
Aphorism #18: " I am committed to move deeper
into myself, no matter how painful."